Feeling ashamed and humiliated
My stigmatization of mental illness often prevents me from sharing with others or seeking professional help. This was evident the day I walked to the front doors of the outpatient clinic at Vancouver General Hospital for my first group therapy session.
Feelings of embarrassment coming over me as I walked towards the old institutionalized concrete entrance. The architecture seemed to conjure up phrases like “insane asylum” or “loony bin,” and it haunted me to think I was now one of those who needed help.
I hoped that no one I knew would see me walking into the mental health ward. I didn’t want anyone to know. It was so humiliating.
Stigma and stigmatization
In times past, the word “stigma” referred to a physical mark of disgrace or discredit. In our current context, stigma refers to being perceived negatively by or set apart from others due to stereotyping.
As I journey toward a greater understanding and acceptance of my mental health challenges with anxiety and depression, I have become more aware of how I often “stigmatize” others who exhibit various forms of mental illness, perceiving them negatively or having prejudice against them—in other words, how I often attach stigma to them.
Perhaps my stigmatization of others’ mental illness is why I struggle so much with hopelessness, distress, and anger when coming to terms with my condition. More than the diagnosis itself, it is my negative interpretations of what my diagnosis means to my identity that cause me to spiral into despair and shame. That’s why it was so difficult that day to walk into my first group therapy session.
Some questions worth reflection:
How do you tend to think about people with mental health challenges? How does that affect your own self perception?
How gentle and kind are you to yourself when you are unwell? Is this healthy?
What would you like to say to God in this moment about the stigmas you carry?
Learning to love myself and others
I am learning more each day about the stigmatization I carry around within me––towards myself and others. I am slowly learning how to recognize, acknowledge, and confess my stigmatization to God so that I can love myself and others the way God intended. Mental health challenges do not need to lead to feelings of shame, embarrassment, and isolation (even though they easily do). Instead, I’m learning how to extend grace and compassion to others and to myself.
If you are facing a mental health crisis, please contact a mental health emergency hotline. For young adults up to 29, Kids Help Phone is also available for phone calls, Facebook Messenger, or texting conversations.
